Was Jesus gay?

Was Jesus gay? Believe it or not, some very interesting moments exist in the Bible that imply certain intriguing possibilities.

“Preposterous!” devout fundamentalists proclaim.

Really? More preposterous than claiming Jesus would be against food stamps, universal health care, immigration and queers? There are dozens of examples of Jesus feeding the poor and entreating his followers to do the same. He healed the sick. He was a champion of foreigners (think about the Good Samaritan) and the marginalized. You can bet your butt he’d have marched in gay pride parades.

Yet conservatives will not shut up about all the things Jesus would do and say that directly contradict every darn verse in the Bible.

So was Jesus gay? We-e-e-l-l-l, let’s just take a little look in the Good Book.

(Cue the harp music and angelic choir.)

The Book of John refers several times to a “beloved” disciple, whom many assume was John himself. Every time this man is mentioned, it is always as the beloved disciple or as the disciple Jesus loved. Okay, it’s the 21st century and bros can tell each other they love each other, but, seriously, when he hangs out with a whole pack of guys, and there’s just one always referred to as the one he loves, I think we can safely call for a wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Not convinced? Well, that same disciple was the only man at the crucifixion, and when Jesus looked down from the cross and saw the disciple he loved standing there next to his mother, he said, “Woman, this is your son.” And to the beloved disciple he said, “Behold, your mother.” And from that day, John took her into his home.

Again, this might be something John would do for his dying buddy, but recall that this is the one man referred to as the man Jesus loves, and this moment becomes an amazingly touching scene where Jesus asks his beloved to take care of his mother after his death. Of course his love complies.

Need a hanky? Check out John 19:26-27. It’s in there.

Now let’s time-travel back one day to the night Jesus was arrested. He was in a garden praying and hanging with his posse, when Roman soldiers appeared out of the darkness to arrest him.

Two very telling things happened.

A young man with nothing but a sheet wrapped around himself tried to run off, but one of the soldiers grabbed his sheet, so he ran off naked.

Wait. What?

Yep, some naked guy was hanging out with Jesus in the garden. He ran off into the night and vanished into the annals of Biblical trivia. Mark 14:51. I am not exaggerating, My second favorite passage in the Bible, mostly because I cannot believe no one ever edited it out.

The next thing? Judas walks up to Jesus and kisses him.

Okay, so he did it so the soldiers knew who to arrest, but come on. Why not a handshake or manly punch to the shoulder? Since a naked dude had just run past, wouldn’t the kiss have seemed a bit, well… gay?

We can add in the fact that at the time, a single, 30-year-old Jewish teacher would have raised quite a few eyebrows. “Be fruitful and multiply” was at the heart of Jewish belief.

Well, if he had a disciple he loved, a few naked young men on hand and was used to regular kisses from his entourage, maybe he wasn’t so single after all.

Do I really believe Jesus was gay? We have no way of knowing.

But I think there is a helluva lot more evidence for it in the Bible than there is for the ridiculous claims by conservatives who use Jesus as the poster boy for whatever hate they wish to spew. If they can make such claims which directly contradict the message of Jesus, why can’t we have fun upsetting them by pointing out a few carefully chosen verses?

They turn such a lovely crimson about the face.

John Robert Mack is about to release a new novel which takes all these lovely ideas and wraps them into an exciting apocalyptic story called Third Testament: The Gospel of John, available for pre-order on Amazon. Check it out here: http://amzn.com/B00TXN1C2U

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