Greetings, Friends.
Welcome to Out In SA! So good of you to click on me! As you already know from reading our mag and website, we here at Out In SA have our fingers on the pulse, such as it is, of the GLBT community in San Antonio. Amongst the many resources we plan to offer is this monthly column where we turn the power of the pen over to you.
Allow me to introduce myself. My friends call me Adam. I have been everywhere, bought everything, and done everyone. Each month I will endeavor to respond to your messages with the best advice my wide array of experience has to offer.
Working with Out In SA’s crack team (they are not really on crack … not all of them) of lifestyle, fashion, gastronomic, and car-repair experts, we will go to almost any length to be a valuable source of information. Think of it as a confluence of Dear Abby, Emily Post, and that hottie doctor on television that does not wear an undershirt under his scrubs. No question is too arbitrary. No inquiry too devoid of merit. No query too foolish.
I promise to be occasionally unbiased. I promise to be as fair and balanced as Fox News. I promise to be as accurate as a government report on accuracy. Yes, dear friends, here you can get the honest and forthright advice you could never get from your family, friends, or coworkers.
To get us going, I offer the rules I laid down long ago that have guided me. I am pleased to share with you:
Ask Adam’s top 10 rules for a happy life:
- Life is almost always better unplanned. People who obsessively plan are put on the planet to make sure the rest of us have to be on time. These people are just making life for the rest of us inconvenient.
- There are two sides to every story. Go with the one that makes you look good.
- Remember that there is nothing in life that can’t be cured by a new pair of shoes.
- Life, like shoes, is all about what you put into it. If you surround your feet with PVC, plastic, and canvas you will end up grumpy and sad. No, dear friends, surround yourself in supple Italian leather, hand-polished metal, and a handsome bit. Your friends will notice the spring in your step and your daddy will be so proud.
- There will always be someone that has more than you. Don’t take such trivial things to heart. The trick is opening your mind and realizing your potential. YOU, and only you, can find whatever it is they have on sale.
- There are three things in life you must know if you wish to understand the universe: National Public Radio, Star Trek, and Ru Paul’s Drag Race. I don’t know why this is a thing, it just is.
- On the internet, size is always relative. Everything purported to be big is usually small and everything he says is fit is usually, well … not.
- Even if you’re not happy about all your gay friends getting married because they finally can, whatever you do DON’T seem bitter. It will come of TOTALLY wrong and you will never hear the end of it. Don’t worry–soon your prince or princess will come and you can rush to the alter in 35 states and the District of Columbia.
- Don’t waste your time on haters. Usually they are bitter because not only do you look happy, which haters hate, but you almost always look better than they do.
- Just say no to the following: haters, acrylic, rules, tea parties (not to be confused with tea dances), guys in skinny jeans, Facebook pictures of your dinner, Glee (seriously, it’s over), friends you don’t like, and those stupid shoes that are shaped like feet.
I look forward to hearing from you, darlings! You can reach me here: askadam@outinsa.com
